Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Emotions Are High

Kiki returned from a day at corporate headquarters to finish her day at home. Da seemed to be moving in the right direction. He collected Hal and they went down the street to pick up the grandfather to help collect the minivan from the shop and then Da was taking Hal to his first golf lesson. Instead, 10 minutes later Da called very tense -- grandfather had fallen, no one could explain what happened, the ambulance was on the way and Hal was walking back up the street. Kiki rescheduled golf and tried to collect the minivan from the garage. Both errands/activities were a fail and she returned to her home office to finish her work day. Twenty minutes later Da comes in and is crying and having a hard time breathing or talking. Kiki fears grandfather has died. No, Da manages finally to say, but it seemed like that might be what was happening. Da had kept his shit together, called 911, spoke with the paramedics, and his grandfather -- who refused to go to the clinic -- but, now that Da was home, the stress burst out. Kiki listened, and could relate, and gently reminded Da that his grandparents were in their mid 80s and would not live forever. Da stated that he knew that, but thought the passing of his grandfather had been going on at that moment and it had been very stressful. A bad time for additional stress in Da's life, for sure.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Ghost

It has been three and a half weeks since Da's panic attack which scared Kiki and left them both feeling fragile. The anxiety that had been so strong it required Da to take Xanax regularly to manage has receded somewhat. Kiki has tried to be supportive and comforting, light-hearted and pragmatic. Really, she's tried a variety of things to try to help Da get back on plane. Today, though, Da is like a ghost. His energy level is low, which is making him feel anxious. A frustrated wife might view him as mopey and lost. Go for a walk! Check your accounts online! Dig a hole in the back yard! Do something to help kick start yourself. But, Da is a shadow of himself. He's having a hard time focusing or feeling motivated to start anything. Kiki encouraged him to call his physician and discuss the anti-depressant dosage, which started 3.5 weeks ago at a very low mg, may need to be increased. The blood work results the endocrinologist requested have not yet arrived, and it is with mixed feelings that Kiki anticipates their arrival. Will they reveal something that can be adjusted? Thyroid? Cortisol? Other? It has only been a few weeks, but his mental and emotional state is a heavy weight. There is nothing Kiki can do, but Da keeps turning to her as he is likely scared by how down he's feeling and worried he will not get better and what will that mean? Kiki found herself feeling overwhelmed, irritated, weepy, and frustrated. Da left for his therapist appointment and Kiki tried to focus on work. But, part of her brain continued to fret about Da. Perhaps a walk when he returned in the sunlight would be another thing to try. Da knew he should be walking daily, but has been pretty haphazard about it over the past months. Walking with her husband would be one more task for her to tackle, but one Kiki would add to her to do list.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Aspie Observations

Kiki, always on the hunt for good books and trying to branch into nonfiction at the recommendation of good friend Liza, just started reading "The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband" by David Finch. She was immediately struck by the many prominent behaviors that challenged the protagonist and just how normal that made Hal seem. He is not having meltdowns, he doesn't seem to have observable OCD behaviors, and Kiki and Da have funded extracurricular social thinking programs for a few years. Kiki dared dream that Hal's path would be easier than the struggles that had kept her awake at night when Hal was first diagnosed. Hal shortly will celebrate his 14th birthday, he has developed into a young man with deep quasi Barry White voice, but retains an innocence that is sweet...for now. Dr. K, Hal's psychiatrist, has now set Team Golando on a path to find Hal a new social activity. The recommendation: golf. So, off to the local country club Da and Hal will go for 30 minute weekly lessons in golf. Kiki daydreams that this will be an activity that Hal will like and maybe be able to do. Maybe Da and Hal and good friend Roland could hit the links a couple of times this summer? Even if Hal ends up just lugging the clubs, a caddy opportunity? Kiki finds it hard to limit her optimistic day dreams.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

No Wonder At All

Kiki and Da talked about his grandmother's phone call, which put drama on Da's shoulders, as she has done routinely through out his life, as well as the life of Da's mother, his aunt and his deceased uncle. Kiki mused that Da might want to delve into some of this drama that has permeated his life with his therapist. Perhaps this was some of the stuff down in the well coming up in the bucket? A few days later the door bell rang and Da's mother and her minion, Da's niece from his half sister who abandoned the niece to be raised by Da's mother, were at the door. Ironic observation: as Da's mother abandoned him, her daughter abandoned her daughter and a grandmother stepped in. Dysfunctional, but also repeating cycle. The mother advises she is on their street to try to visit the grandmother as they have had "words". In essence, the mother wants to tell her side of the story, because, rightfully, she assumes the grandmother has badmouthed the mother to Da. So, she wants to say how grandmother called her and is pissed because the mother will not tell grandmother who told mother about Da's panic attack and police assistance. The grandmother is pissed and has been calling and trying to persuade and bully mother into saying who let the cat out of the bag. Well, mother will not. Mother says the point is that grandmother should have told her, mother is family and Da's biological mother. Kiki stayed in her office and tried not to eavesdrop. Especially when she heard mother say "No, Da, tell me if this is too much, I don't want to add to your stress." Kiki had to bite her tongue *hard*. She wanted to bring Da a Xanax to convey a point. Instead she turned up the music in her office. When she next heard some of their dialogue, it was mother saying how she did not call grandmother and chew her a new ass, as grandmother had told Da (sniff, sniff) and what did mother need to know? Was she written out of the will? Kiki felt very annoyed and turned up her music again. Da continues to be a bone between two dogs. Both vying for his attention, and the next ugliness feels just over the next rise.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Is it a Wonder?

Da field a phone call. It was his grandmother. She was very upset, semi-crying, because Da's mother had called the grandmother and chewed her a new ass. What was this fuss all about? When Da lost his shit, broke a window in the van during a panic attack and police assistance occurred, that weekend, the grandmother was aware, but no one told the mother. Kiki called the grandmother to let her know, because she wasn't sure if she was going to let Da come back to the house or go to the grandparents down the street for the night. That was a Friday. Come Sunday, the grandmother stops in to visit the mother, something that had not occurred in the past few weeks, but says *nothing* about what had transpired with Da. The mother learns of the situation from folks around town who likely heard it from folks at the police station. The mother calls Golando, Kiki answers, mother coolly asks for Da without a word of inquiry re how anyone is, what happened, etc. Mid March everyone goes to the mother's house to celebrate grandfather's 80-something birthday. Not a word out of place is spoken. Today, the mother calls the grandmother to let her have it regarding not sharing what was going on with Da on the Sunday two days after the incident, while the grandmother sat in the mother's house making small talk.

Da is upset by this drama, and concerned with the grandmother being so upset. Kiki muses:
- the mother made some choices, including giving Da over to grandmother to care for, and cutting Team Golando out of the mother's family circle last April over two infractions and only invited Team Golando back in at the holidays; here's a hint, if you stop speaking to Team Golando, don't be surprised when we don't speak to you
- the grandmother made some choices, including creating this bit of drama: showing up unexpectedly that Sunday for a visit and not saying boo jack about Da's incident, knowing that mother would find out and piece together how grandmother knew, looked mother in the eye and did not tell her, just to make mother feel like shit, then be able to call Da when mother finally told grandmother how she felt and look like the poor abused grandmother, sniff sniff, who has been yelled at for no reason

Bitch, puh-leeze!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Just A Bad Mood

Kiki and Da seemed to be on a level plane. Da reported to having an "emotional" therapy session. Kiki shared with inquiring minds that she continues to have moments of anxiety whenever she knows she'll be leaving the house: for errands, to visit her mom, to go to work -- afraid there will be a repeat episode. Enter worries regarding their eldest daughter. Loo continues to work her two part time jobs, has a number of friends she enjoys time with, is keeping up with her loan and cell phone bill, and has undertaken a project to catch up monies owed to Kiki from some overspending. Loo had been in good spirits for a few weeks, and her parents felt optimistic that her depression and anxiety challenges were improving. Then, Loo was so unhappy, so cross and angry that her parents were back to fretting about her well being. None of the three elder team members seem to know how to help Loo find her way or improve her spirits. Kiki struggled with how much to say, what to say, what not to say, but nothing was right. A hug wouldn't work. Nothing would work. Loo insisted she was just in a bad mood, nothing had triggered it, she just woke up that way and wanted to be left alone. Kiki shed a few tears on Da's shoulder. What had happened to their baby girl? Loo made the effort to kiss each parent on the cheek as she left to go with friends for the night. Just a bad mood? Or something more?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

1-800-Meditation

Classic Aspie Teen: comes home from half day of school, Kiki advises they have to leave for his quarterly psych appointment with Dr. K and Hal begins to shout and slam doors. He just got home from school, he needs to relax. Hal begins to strip off his clothes and Kiki shouts to hurry up if he is going to change. More shouting, more agitation. Da tries to run interference and Kiki and Hal leave in a shouting match. The appointment with Dr. K starts with Hal going in alone and advises Dr. K he does not want to talk. She spends 45 minutes prying info from him then calls Kiki in. He then argues with everything Kiki says to Dr. K until Kiki blurts out how frustrating it is to Kiki for Hal to act like a jerk to Kiki before every appointment and then be rude and show-offy in front of Dr. K, making Kiki look bad and Hal look rude and belligerent. Dr. K didn't seem put off and suggested Kiki continue looking for a sport for Hal and suggested golf lessons. Heavens. In the car, on the way home, Hal apologized and Kiki and Hal had a short honest conversation about their heated exchange.